This is just an idea of the kind of fun we have at work...
Just a little background information on the day: Ace and I decided to have a competition on who could eat the most Wendy's Jr. Bacon Burgers within a period of time. We each ordered 10, he without cheese, mine were however they came. Ace doesn't eat tomatoes, so to offset the difference between his burgers and mine, he ordered a large fry, and I had a medium. When we returned to the office, we set up for the competition. By that, I mean we placed the burgers in an easy to reach location, grabbed our drinks, and started the chowfest. It was evenly matched for the first 10 or so minutes, as we were both eating away at the burgers and fries, but shortly after, I had taken the lead in burgers eaten. I advise anyone with a weak stomach to never attempt such a competition, and even those with an iron tummy, because the outcome is just not worth it. You will most likely feel light headed, like your ass is about to explode, and you will never, ever, want to eat fast food again. Now, with that in mind, the outcome of the competition is as follows:

• I ate all 10 Wendy's Jr. Bacon Burgers, 1 medium fries, 1 large diet coke, and some water.
• Ace ate the large fries, 9 Jr. Bacon Burgers with no tomatoes and no cheese, and took a break to fill his bottle of water.
• TheRiver was laughing at us the entire time.

We both laugh like idiots.

I walk up to the register and place my order.

Me: I'd like 10 Jr. Bacon Burgers, medium fries, and a large diet coke.

The cashier takes the order, tells the floor manager, and then yells it at the top of her lungs.
If you think that's embarassing, Ace placed the same order (minus the diet coke, make the fries a large, add in a salad and another sandwich).

The thing that tops it all off was the fact that the workers at the grill were yelling "you've got to be fucking kidding me" and the floor manager started arguing with them about the orders. Everyone in line stared at us. The worst part about this experience was the fact that everyone in line got their orders before ours, including some people who walked in after our orders were placed, and then the strange looks we received when they called out our orders at the counter to pick them up.

Doomsday arrives in the office...

The entire competition took about 20 to 25 minutes to complete. I finished my food about 4 or 5 minutes before Ace finally said he couldn't eat the last burger. We probably ate the same amount of food, so in my opinion, we both ate as much as each other. Anyways, after the food started to digest and settle, the undeniable happened...we had to shit.

One thing that needs to be mentioned is that both stalls that Ace and I were in sit side by side and those are the only 2 stalls in the rest rooms. Oh the smells...

Here's the conversation between Ace and I, with TheRiver joining in when he had a moment.

Adam: My asshole is burning with pain and desire
Ace: Its so pasty.
Ace: It does burn.
Adam: Its gushy
Adam: Lots of air too
Ace: I'm really lazy to shit. Its so hard to push.
Adam: It smells like stale roast beef
Ace: It looks like string cheese.
Adam: It looks like a choco shake
Ace: Lol. I am officially sick.
Adam: Can u smell what the IT guys are cookin?
Adam: I wish I could txt u smells, this shit is rancid
Ace: Lol. I just found something I was looking for.
Adam: And that is?
Ace: TheRiver must be grossed out.
Adam: TheRiver, grab my other phone please lol
Ace: My friends watch.
Adam: Oh, I found a shoe
Ace: Lol. Somone might read it. Security fail. You don't have a password?
Ace: I didn't even push and something came out.
Adam: My colon is officially making brown butter
Ace: www.poopster.com
Adam: Needs moar water
Ace: Lol me to my shit displaced it all.
Adam: I'm pushing but nothing is happening....think we get so many pumps a day?
Ace: Wow randomly a punch of liquid came pouring out. About a quart or so.
Ace: Its burning.
Ace: I got a splasher.
TheRiver: That is great! Keep pushing boys
Adam: Omg faucet
Ace: Lol. Who said we don't know what it feels like to have a kid.
Adam: Its like a hurricane shot out my ass and into swirly bowl heaven
Ace: Lol.
Ace: Can we get money for this somehow.
Adam: I have a massive one brewing
Adam: I ran out of solids
Ace: Adam sounds like a garden hose.
Adam: Can't build lego structures out of this shit
Ace: I feel like I was the star of oz.
TheRiver: Hurry up I need to shit
Adam: I'm done
Ace: Lol make sure u come in my stal.
Adam: Wait, nope, I'm just kiddin
Ace: Adam is a loud one.
TheRiver: That I know
Ace: I vote for fans in the toilet.
Adam: Holy fuck my toothole blew up
Ace: Lol.
Adam: I vote for pillows...or vicodin
Ace: I got a migrane now.
Ace: There u go.
Adam: I'm afraid to get up
Ace: I'm resting on the tp dispenser.
Ace: I have lost all circulation to my but.
Adam: Its butt u asshat
Ace: Its but cuz mine is special.
TheRiver: You girls done
Adam: Yea, goin out for a smoke
Ace: Come outside.
TheRiver: Ok

The names were obviously changed to psuedonyms, and highly dangerous information has been removed (all of 2 or 3 lines). Aside from that, that is exactly the conversation as you see written here. Hopefully you enjoyed a laugh or 2, since we couldn't help but laugh with tears streaming down our faces as this happened.

Editor's Note: Ace mentioned a few lines that should've been removed from the conversation as they had nothing to do with the conversation. Everything in the conversation above is as originally sent through text messages, and will not be corrected for spelling or punctuation. Blah, blah, blah.

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