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Adam vs. The Felonious 16 Year Old

Event Date: Friday, July 24, 2009:
Written Date: Sunday, August 2, 2009

As a lot of people who know me I'm big into bowling. It's something I've always enjoyed and up until a year and a half ago, never took too seriously. I'm not saying that I take it serious now, but more like I try to improve myself at it in general. Of course, this happens when I play in the leagues I'm involved with, not on some random Friday night bowl where me and the friends and wife are going out to get drunk and just have some fun.

Anyways, today started off like every normal Friday - I woke up, showered, and went to work. The day went on as it normally does. Sexual banter with everyone in the office, crude and rude jokes here and there, and then the time comes to head home and hang out with the wife. My coworker Ace asked if we had any plans tonight, and I told him that we were planning on going to the Rock n' Bowl and probably get drunk. I told him if he didn't have anything going on, he was welcome to join. Ace sent me a text a few hours later letting us know that he was on his way to meet us at the alley. I had already started drinking my usual concoction of diet coke and Absolut vodka.

The Wife drives us to the alley to meet Ace and we get our lane. Ace and I get our shoes on and get our bowling balls into the rack as The Wife scours her way around the alley to find the ball she wants to use. Ace was drinking a Bud Light and I was still sipping on my diet and vodka, and the first game begins. Ace is checking his work phone and reading through e-mails and making sure things were going smoothly - such a good worker. I had thought he was texting our GM and joking around like we always do at work, so I sent a text saying "you're distracting Ace". Little did I know that wasn't the case. The first game I won, which wasn't unusual since I bowl more often than Ace and The Wife. A nip of black berry brandy came out of The Wife's purse and me and her had taken a small shot of it and it was time to make our way outside for a cigarette. Ace doesn't smoke, but he comes out with us to hang out and pass the time before the next game starts. While we're sitting there, there was a small crowd of teenagers standing by the front steps of the alley, talking amongst themselves and doing their own thing. I always have the habit of over hearing people's conversations when they're talking, especially when they're loud or close by. This one kid starts talking about how he has 2 felonies, he just got out of jail, how he's on curfew, and so on. Normally I would let people just talk their shit to make themselves sound cool, but tonight I had a little bit of alcohol in me (no, I wasn't drunk), and I really hate it when people really try to over do their lies. I spoke up:

Me: You're full of shit
Kid: What the fuck are you talkin' about? You don't know me!
Me: I don't need to, but you're still full of shit.

The Wife looks at me and tells me to shut up. Ace is sitting on the other side of the steps giving me the "what the fuck are you doing man?" look.

Kid: Yo man, you don't know who you're talkin to.
Me: Who cares? I know you won't do shit but run your mouth, and everyone knows you're full of shit. If you were on curfew, you wouldn't be here right now.
Kid: Make a bet?
Me: Sure do. In fact, I'll call the police and ask them if anyone in the area is on curfew, or more specifically, if you have any felonies. What's your name?

The kid told me his name, so I took my cell phone out of my pocket and acted as if I were calling the station. I faked a conversation and everyone in his circle of friends seemed to buy it, even him, because he kept back peddling. The only thing he started to say was "nah man" with his head cocked away from everyone and his hand stuck out with his finger tips up, palm facing nobody because he had very bad perception of where people were standing, and everyone was in the process of backing away from him.

This went on for a few minutes, and he kept running his mouth. He kept asking for a cellphone from one of his "friends" so he could make a call. I could only assume he was going to call his parents, but since nobody would lend this poor fool a phone, nobody will ever find out. The Wife got fed up with his mouth and walked down off of the veranda and went up into this kids face. She started yelling at him and he became loud with her. It got to the point where it appeared that he was about to hit her. That's when I really started paying close attention. I had already made my way back to the steps and I didn't really feel like walking back out to where he was at. Granted it was only 15 feet or so away, but if he layed 1 finger on her, I would've knocked the shit out of him.

Me: You better not be thinking about laying a single finger on her.
Kid: Yo dawg, I'd never hit a woman
The Wife: And if you did, you wouldn't be walking.
Me: Especially if you hit her, Mr. 2 felonies.
Kid: There you go, running your mouth again.
Me: Tell ya what, I'll give you 4 hits before I do anything to you. You want to act all tough, take me out.
Kid: Nah, I don't wanna make you look bad
Me: Uh huh...
The Wife: Fuck this. This kid is just talk. We have better things to do.

You would think that it was all over with, which it pretty much was. We went back to bowling and the vodka diet mix was starting to kick in pretty good now. Still not drunk, but in the words of The Wife, I was feeling righteous. Kid walked back into the alley a few minutes later, and just stared at us. He kept pointing over at us and laughing, so finally as I was about to bowl, I put the ball down and took 2 steps in his direction. As soon as he saw that, he left the lane and hid behind the counter area. A few minutes later, he got picked up by his mother.

Now, I know some of you are thinking "What the fuck is wrong with you for picking on a teenager?" It's simple. I called him out on his bullshit story and he got pissed. He was about to hit The Wife, and that kind of thing doesn't go over too well with me. Actually, that is an understatement. I don't hold back with what I say, and I don't care much about other people's feelings. If they can't take the truth, fuck them. If someone is getting called out on a lie and they get pissed, why should I care if they get pissed at me because I'm the one who pointed it out and let the people around know they were full of shit?

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