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Good Now, Very Bad Later Event Date: November, 2003 Written Date: September 20, 2009 One day after I had gotten out of work, I came home to check some e-mails and talk to a few people online before I went out for the day. As I logged on I had a friend request on the chat program I used at the time and I had no idea who this person was so I declined his invite. I did check out his profile before hand but it just said he was a male, no age or location, so I figured it was either porn spam or some really creepy/crazy person. A few minutes later I get another invite from this person and he explained in the request who he was and what he wanted.
FuckNut: Hey, this is FuckNut, I talked to someone you know about being in a band and he gave me your info Alright, so I had to check this out and see what could become of it. I accepted his friend request and talked to him for a little while. He sounded like a decent person and had some decent ideas for the band and wanted to hang out one day to give me an audition. The band was based out of Rhode Island, but he lived in the next town over from me, so we arranged a day to hang out and talk about music. Here comes the caveat. FuckNut didn't drive and lived in one of the worst parts of town. Okay, so some people have bad luck, so I shrugged it off for the time being. The day arrives that FuckNut and I were to get together and talk about the band. I went and picked him up and brought him to my place because I wasn't about to bring my Marshall amp and guitars to his house. When he got into my car, FuckNut really smelled bad. I'm talking about a smell that you can only acquire from not showering for a month. He was also holding a can of rolling tobacco and was attempting to roll a cigarette in a moving car spilling loose tabacco all over the seat and floor of my car. We arrive at my house and as I walked in, I took my shoes off because I feel more comfortable with my shoes off in my own house, but FuckNut took his off as well. His feet were disgusting. It would have been alright with me if he had socks on, but no, his grossly long and dirty toenails we the smell of his feet were about to make me vomit. I tried to get him to put his shoes on, but he couldn't take a subtle hint. Still rolling a cigarette (this guy was having the hardest time doing so, even when sitting on the couch) I decided to hurry up and play a song or something to get this part of the day over with. He listened intently as I played. I didn't play long, maybe 2 or 3 minutes, and he was on my dick saying how amazing I was and that he needed me to be in the band. I guess he was the singer/songwriter for the band, so I asked him if he could sing me something or give me an example of some lyrics. Anything to try to get my attention away from his smell and his disgusting feet. He started to sing and was out of key every other note. His lyrics were just shy of 2nd grade material, and the guy smelled really bad. He kept asking me if I would join his band over and over, before I could even really think about the offer, so I told him that I would think about it through the day and let him know later on. I wanted to tell him that this was all a joke and that I could find better people to start a band with, but I thought about it a little longer and decided that I did want to give the actual band a chance. He gave me the IM name of the other guitarist (CLoz) so that he could fill me in on the music side as well as practice days and whatnot. The first conversation went something like this:
Me: Hey CLoz, this is Adam. FuckNut gave me your IM name so we could talk So that's basically how the conversation went. CLoz gave me the next practice date and asked if I could pick up FuckNut. I made up some excuse on why I couldn't bring him, and I had CLoz meet me at my house so I could follow him to where practice was being held. We get to the band room at the drummers house and I see this breathing machine type of thing set up near the microphone. I asked what that was for and FuckNut told me that he had asthma and that he needed to use it if he were to sing. Why would someone smoke if they needed a breathing machine? The logic behind this guy was astounding. I couldn't believe half of the things he did because it just didn't make sense. We continue on with practice and CLoz had some good songs written out, but FuckNut couldn't sing to save a cat. The next day I talked with CLoz and told him that I couldn't really be in a band if that's who the singer was and I was hoping to get out of being in the band somewhat gracefully. He told him that he didn't really care for FuckNut either and we decided to have a 3 way internet chat to break the news to him.
Me: Yea, I can't be in the band CLoz and I were on the phone for a few hours laughing about this. Apparently FuckNut does have a case of schizophrenia and he believes the random things in his head. Either way, fuck him, it was highly entertaining while it lasted, but this guy wouldn't leave CLoz or I alone for a few weeks. Whenever we were online, we would just IM him with "Cloaks and wooden stakes" and random shit like that. The only good thing that came from this fucked up dude is CLoz is now one of my best friends. Maybe it was a good day after all?
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