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McDonald's Follies Event Date: August 14, 2009 Written Date: August 19, 2009 Last Edited On: August 27, 2009 The usual Friday night started out with The Wife and I heading to the alley to meet up with Ace and his younger brother Jr. Ace. The way Ace talked about his brother, I had this image in my head that he was a tiny, short, scrawny guy and was around the age of 16 or so. Yea, I was wrong. He was taller than the rest of us, and looked like he could do some damage if he got into the right situation. I looked up at him and said to Ace "little my ass". We did our thing at the alley and when it was closing time (12:00 AM, which really sucks because during the winter/fall, they stay open until 1:30 - 2:00 AM). We're getting ready to leave and decided that we were all pretty hungry and didn't want to just go home. Ace and Jr. Ace get into their car while The Wife and I get into ours and make our way to McDonalds. We had been talking about the infamous McChurger since we've only heard about its existance, but had never witnessed such a beast.
NOTE: I had never heard of a McChurger until Ace had mentioned it one day at work. I'm not a fan of McDumpsters to begin with, though in times of need, I can find something that I can choke down from there. A McChurger, as Ace had to explain it to the drive-thru attendant, is a hamburger patty on top and on the bottom of the chicken you would get from a McChicken, plus the buns of course. I believe mayo is also on there, maybe some lettuce, but I'm not entirely sure as I refuse to eat McDonalds hamburgers. As Ace and Jr. Ace finish their orders, The Wife and I place ours and both cars park in the front of McDonalds. Jr. Ace notices that the attendant had charged them for some extra or misadded items, and attempts to walk into the lobby. As he approaches the doors to open them, he stops. The doors are locked. The sign on the door states the lobby hours are until 1:00 AM. It's barely 12:30 AM at this point. Laughing, he comes back to tell us of this, and we all continue eating our food. We're all just telling jokes and stories, laughing at the misfortunes and adventures we've gone through and minding our own business when out of nowhere a guy comes stumbling up to us and asked me if I had a cigarette he could have. Now, if you're a smoker you know how much a pack of cigarettes cost and chances are, you won't give any away to a stranger. I told him "no" and he mumbled something under his breath. No harm done, we could all tell he was drunk. Actually, drunk is an understatement for this guy. He looks at the back of Ace's car and starts talking:
Drunk Fuck: This issth a niceth cahhhrr. What isth it? A Thentra? At this point Drunk Fuck starts leaning on Ace's car, which wasn't cool with Ace since he didn't know him and his voice was becoming more aggressive.
Ace: Can you get off of my car? It was at this point that we found out Drunk Fuck had a girlfriend, or fuck buddy, or pet. Either way, she was just as annoying. She walks over to us and starts telling us that she's sorry for him and his mouth and that he's really drunk and whatever other excuses she came up with for him. Drunk Fuck gets pushed back to their car by his pet Shit Bag. When they get back near their car, Drunk Fuck starts getting louder with Shit Bag and stands close up to her like he's about to start a fight. The Wife is paying close attention because she loathes any guy that puts their hands on a female, even if they are a bag of shit. I don't remember all of what they were saying to each other, but Shit Bag finally got Drunk Fuck into the passenger seat of the car. Drunk Fuck starts punching on the passenger side window because he was too drunk to unlock the door. Shit Bag turns around and ignores him and yelled to us "You think that this is funny?" We all replied "Yep, we do" and kept watching. She was talking to the people in the car parked right next to her, hunched into the driver side window like a prostitute does when trying to sell their sex, and Drunk Fuck had a moment of genius. Since he couldn't unlock the passenger side door, he decided to climb over the center console of the car, and make his escape throug the drivers side. Stumbling to Shit Bag, they start arguing again, and loud. The one thing I clearly remember (I was sober, for the record), was that she yelled at him "You're making me look like a bag of shit, you know this right?" Laughing, Jr. Ace said "So that's what a bag of shit looks like?" Shit Bag had mentioned something in her yelling and arguing that she was also a little drunk, but she was the one driving. They both finally got into their Pontiac and left McDonalds.
The Wife: She can't be that drunk, she's driving Sure, Shit Bag pulled into the left lane and had the left turn signal on, however, she ran through a red light and turned right all in one swift moment. Stupid drunks are really fun to fuck with, I would know, I've been in that position plenty of times, but after all of this, the highlight of the night was when people would drive up, park their cars, make the journey up the stairs to the front lobby doors and pull on them only to get denied by the late night shift being douche bags and locking the doors at least an hour earlier than they were suppose to. There were at least 8 cars that this happened to, and when each one would pull up, Jr. Ace would yell "Fail" or "Denied" or I would make random McDonald Character noises such as "robble robble". The looks these people would give us were priceless. A few of them would flip us the finger, but that's the most they would do. What I couldn't figure out is that when a group of 2 or more people would walk up to the lobby doors and the first person failed to open them, the next person would try to open them just to make sure that the first person wasn't lying when he couldn't get in. What do these people think? Are they afraid they are going to grab up the last seat to a vacant eatery? Do they think their friend isn't strong enough to open the doors? Or is it the fact that they might run out of chicken sandwiches before the night is over and they would miss out? It's as if we lost all human instinct and became retarded. I've always said that there were a lot of stupid people in the world, and they usually tend to come out after midnight...at least in my area.
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