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Snickers, Beer, and Whores Event Date: October 31, 2008 Written Date: September 8, 2009 Each year on Halloween, I normally grab some beer and a few horror movies and have some friends over to have some laughs. Not this year. Instead, Bomb invited me and my friend G-Unit, and Audit to his party. Not really being the kind of person to dress up, I wore what I had worn to work that day and met up with G-Unit to head over to Audit's house to pick him up. Audit is dressed up like an OB/GYN, with the fake glasses and mustache attached, ready to get drunk. I decided to stop at a convenient store to pick up some face paint and painted my face white. I know, lame. G-Unit was dressed in punk wear with vampire fangs that snap to your teeth. We get to Bomb's place and he's dressed up like a guido. You know, that youtube video about the "fuckin hair". He was one of them. It was actually pretty hilarious with the things he was saying and the random body motions, mimicking those morons to a T. We head upstairs and walk out to the balcony where the keg was sitting, and where about a third of the people at the party were. After a little while people started going in to play beer pong and other random drinking games, but Audit, G-Unit, someone dressed as a male nurse and I stayed outside a little longer. We were drinking and talking amongst ourselves for a few minutes when some random woman walked by and started yelling at us.
Whore: Oh that's original, face paint, a vampire and 2 doctors. Good costumes assholes She started walking away and then turned around and came closer to the house.
Whore: Hey, do you guys have any candy? I'm sorry for being a bitch I picked up one of those cute little bite sized snickers and threw it at her. Yes I know, I'm an asshole, but that's why you're still reading this. She looked up and around, even behind her to see where the snickers bar was coming from. Yes, she actually looked behind her to make sure I didn't have awesome throwing skills to hit the back of her head. It ended up hitting the back of her head anyways, because she was dumb and turned around.
Whore: That's fucked up. What the fuck did I ever to do you? Now, I could have just harassed her some more verbally, but we wanted to get inside and play some beer pong. Nope, instead I started throwing more at her. She started to walk away after 2 more hit her, flipping us the bird while bending down to pick up the bite sized treats, and started walking away. I decided just for laughs to see if I could hit her while she was out of sight behind a bush on the corner of the road. I aimed with my half drunk accuracy and lauched a chocolate missile towards the bush. The snickers bar cleared the bush, and for a second, we all thought I missed, or that she was further away than we realized. I must have thrown it pretty high up because it took a few seconds until we heard it.
Whore: OUCH! What the fuck? I fucking hate you guys We nearly pissed ourselves. We couldn't respond in time to antagonize any more antics from her because she had already taken off running down the street. We decided to head inside and see what the wait time on beer pong was. There were 2 teams ahead of us to play, so Bomb gave G-Unit and Audit the tour of his house. We walked upstairs to the third floor and saw where the rest of the party was. They were huddled around the big screen television watching The Wizard of Gore. MJ, who I had met on my last party at Bomb's house was there and she was staring at the drinking chess set. Behind the chess set was a bottle of Jose. She saw me and gave me a quick hug and we caught up since the last time we saw each other (we talked a few times here and there), and then she challenged me to some shots of Jose. Me being already buzzed and the fact that I take on just about all challenges, took her on. We tied at 6 shots each before we decided to slow down and let our stomachs have some healing time. After the shot competition, Bomb showed us the attic and some of the nifty things he had stored away up there (swords, misc. props, etc). On our descent down from the attic, we were greeted by a fat chick trying to scare us. By saying trying to scare us, I mean she was just standing there without a costume on. And she was ugly. Very ugly.
Me: When did Hell get here? The 4 of us (Bomb, G-Unit, Audit and I) walked back out to the deck. Fatty followed us for whatever reason.
Audit: There's a hotty for you I wanted to really throw Audit off the balcony for abusing the "Adam will take on most challenges" weakness I possess. Luckily it was time for G-Unit and I to go play beer pong. It took 10 games for us to lose, and let me tell you I was getting a little pissed. After the fourth game, I started drinking the remaining cups for the losers because we were just getting bored and didn't have a chance to drink. On the last game, we started doing random shit, like running up to the loft and making shots from the next floor up. We almost won that game as well, but we purposely blew it so we could go outside and drink. Fatty was outside talking to whoever would listen to her. Audit reminded me of the bet, and I was drunk, so I did what ever other drunk person would do.
Me: You want my dick don't you? I walked back inside and walked over to Bomb and asked him if he had anything strong for liquor. He asked why so I told him about the bet, and what was going on, and that I needed anything to make sure that I couldn't go through with actually doing anything with this girl. By the time I was done telling him everything, he had tears down the side of his face and he walked over to the freezer and took out a 750 ml bottle of vanilla vodka. Now, I love me some vodka, don't get me wrong, but I fucking hate flavored vodka. On top of that, I like my vodka chilled, or a little below room temperature, not so fucking cold that when you take a shot it makes your nipples hard. I walked back into the living room where the pong games were still going on. Strobe lights and black lights were now lit, music blaring, and a crowd of people looking at me saying "chug it". I looked at the bottle and there was only about a quarter of the bottle left. I shrugged and down the hatch it went. I wanted to puke but I talked myself out of it and went outside to have a cigarette. Audit looked at me and asked what the status was for the challenge. I told him and continued to smoke my cigarette. I decided to eat a snickers bar too. It was pretty damn good. I filled up a cup of beer from the keg, and walked to the other side of the balcony to where she was standing.
Me: So, you think about it yet? And she showed them to me. The second her shirt came up is the same second I had to turn away and puke over the balcony. There was a wart, or something that looked like that, and there was hair. Audit was crying. I'm not sure if G-Unit was standing there when it happened, but he sure saw me puking. In the middle of my vomitting, Fatty slapped me. I couldn't help but laugh. It was getting really late, so G-Unit decided he was going to head home. I was crashing at Audit's house for the night, so we went to my car and waited until there was nobody looking so I could hop in and drive. Definitely wasn't the smartest choice I ever made and if I had the chance, I'd let someone else drive us back or crash at Bomb's house. Nothing happened on the ride back to Audit's, but it wasn't exactly a fun drive either. When we got to his place, I hopped on the bed that I was sleeping on for the night, asked him if he grabbed the bag out of the back of my car with (yes, I'm a fucking nerd) guitar hero and the bottle of vodka I brought for us. He went out to grab it and before he came back in, I was passed out. Update on January 20, 2010: I spoke with Bomb a few weeks ago and he told me that he had moved to another place across town and that my vomit still stained the porch from the party. That shit has been there for over a year. Great stuff.
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