I know I recently wrote a blog about Annoyances, but this I feel deserves it's own article because it's such a big issue that a lot of people have to deal with. This is a serious topic, and it doesn't just apply to men, but to women alike (though I'm sure they do see things from a different perspective). It's about going after someone that is already in a committed relationship. When is it okay? When should you back off and take a hint? How far of a distance should one keep themselves from someone they're attracted to while they're with their significant other?

I've always followed this rule: If a woman is in a relationship with someone else, and they openly express that, then it's time to back away and look for someone else to sweep off their feet. That's respect towards both the male and female of the relationship. If a guy keeps pressing forward with what he wants, he's not only putting a lot of pressure on the woman, but on the woman's relationship and her significant other. Is that fair to all parties? Absolutely not. Is it fair that just because someone has a crush on someone who's taken, that if he's miserable because he can't have what he wants, does he have to make it worse for the girl, or presumably the man that's absolutely head over heels in love with her?

Is it okay to go after a woman who's currently in a relationship (albeit good or bad) if she's pursuing you? It depends. It becomes a gray area because of so many factors. Does she plan on leaving the guy she's with for you? Are you being used as a stepping stone to her happiness and once she leaves him will she still be there for you? Is she just using you for X reason and once you stopping providing X service, will she continue on with you? There are plenty of other factors involved as well, but one of the most important ones is does she have any children with her partner? Also, is this a common issue in her past to where she leaves all her significant others? (All of this applies to the female aspect of a guy their interested in and the guy is pursuing them). I can't give you a yes or no answer on if this is right for both parties to do, because in some scenarios, it's the best option for both people, and in others it's the worst thing possible. Pick and choose your battles wisely and try to see through your clouded vision, because you're not just playing with your life, you're playing with hers (or his) and even worse, their children if they have any. Oh, and lets not forget about their current significant other, because ultimately it affects their life as well.

So let's get back on topic shall we? When should a guy say "Ya know, I should really let her do her thing with her boyfriend/fiance/husband, and put my efforts somewhere else"? The minute she says "I'm involved with someone I love", "I'm engaged" and points to the ring, or says "No, I'm not interested in you". It puts a big strain on the relationship she's in. How do I know? Because I've been through it before, and let me tell you, it's not fun. It put me in a bad situation, especially with the temper I have at times, and I was saying things that I didn't mean, didn't want to say but did, and it almost tore us apart. I am an asshole after all and I wouldn't have blamed her if she left me for good. It was a big slap of reality for me and it made me take a step back and look at everything in a whole different perspective.

TheWife had started a new job and was in her first week of training. Day 1 some guy comes up to her and starts flirting with her and following her around like a puppy dog. She told him that she was engaged and that she only wanted to be friends. TheWife is definitely a kind hearted person, and she tries to see the good in everything, so she made small talk with him and wanted to just be on good terms with him. Understandable. It's her work environment and she deserves to have a pleasant one, like the rest of the world. Day 2 comes along and the guy tells her he's in love with her. She tells me this and I immediately want to fuck him up. Was I jealous? A little bit because he was flirting with her at work and if he wasn't going to take a hint from the previous day, then I knew it wouldn't ever stop with him. He doesn't speak English very well either, so there is that whole communication gap there as well where a lot of misunderstanding can happen. Day 3 comes along and he writes her a love letter. She tells me about it and eventually shows it to me. I wanted to see this person face down and lifeless in the street at this point. He was putting a lot of pressure on our relationship. He also gave her his cell number. TheWife will text anyone she knows when she's bored, so what better to do when I can't text at certain times during the day while I'm at work than to text someone she can talk to on her breaks? I wasn't aware of this at first, and when I found out I was pretty upset, confused, and hurt. I hate admitting all of that, but there's no denying it.

The next day he wrote her another love letter, and followed her around the store, texting her saying "Ur life is mine". He wouldn't stop texting her after she told him to stop, so we had to change her number. The letters kept coming, and TheWife kept turning them into her supervisors who is now working on taking care of the situation. One of the notes he slipped through our car window, while other notes asked her to not show them to me. While almost losing her (not because of him directly, but because of the way I reacted) it still pisses me off knowing that he won't give up. He's mentioned taking her away to his home country and stating things that she is his dream girl and so on and so forth. So now her number had been changed, and his MySpace account is blocked from her profile, you would think he would get the hint, right? Wrong. We had exchanged a few MySpace messages and the other day TheWife and I looked at his profile to see if anything was being said about her on his page. Nothing that we noticed stuck out, aside from him adding some new pictures. The very last picture he added was this.

So how has this affected our relationship? Aside from arguing about it when this first started happening, it still bothers me that he is still harassing her, which makes me want to do very bad things to this person. TheWife is keeping me in check right now and making sure I don't get myself in trouble. She's taken the issue to her supervisors who will do what they can, but is that enough? To me, as long as he goes away, I'm fine. I know he's still trying to pursue after her after several rejections, and that's not fair to me because I'm afraid he's actually going to do some fucked up shit to her. Then what happens? The cops arrest him after he's physically hurt her? I'm not saying that he will, or that he'll have the chance, but why take the risk? He's stalking her and I feel like I can't do anything to help put an end to it.

So when is it the right time to say that's enough and move on? If you're one of those guys who is going after the girl because you want her and trying to split up her relationship, think about it if you were in the other mans shoes. Think about how you'd feel if someone kept incessantly pursuing your girlfriend/fiance/wife, and think about the stresses and pressures that it would put on your relationship. If you successfully coax the girl into being with you, how do you think it feels to lose someone you truly love? Is it fair to the other person who spent as much time and effort to build something that is strong to have it be broken down by an outsider? To be left alone, lost because you stole that persons other half, the person who made him feel purely complete?

I know what you're thinking, "How could it have been a strong relationship if it only took 1 person to wreck it?"

Those of you who are asking that question has obviously never been in a real relationship. If you had been, you would know that it's not all fun times and happy moments - it's how you build up to that moment to understand realize that it's that one special person that you want to spend the rest of your life (and her life) with, while putting yourself out there in the open in hopes that she feels the same way. I'm not saying that every relationship is going to be difficult, but there will always be a moment during that relationship that things will become a bumpy road with many different directions and choices to make. It's the way the 2 people involved make those choices and choose their actions. Sometimes communication slips between the 2 people and they don't fully realize it yet, and by there being an outside person to tell you (or him or her or whomever) that and opens your eyes, you can be clouded by bad judgement. If TheWife came home from work and said "StalkFuck is all about communication, why can't you be?", do you think that would be a fun discussion? My first words would be "Why the fuck are you listening to that fuck stick that's stalking you about our relationship? He can't speak English nor can he find a girl that's not taken" and then an argument would arise. I'm very bad with taking actions and thinking about them later. It's one of my worst traits, and a fucking hard one to break. Something as simple as that though, could create a tear in a relationship that might not be noticable at first, but will eventually lead into a torn canvas to ruin the painting. Why? Because at those moments both people are filled with various emotions, and while some are much stronger than others at that moment, it's hard to really determine which ones you need to be focusing on at that exact moment. We're all guilty of it; it's human nature to do so.

So how can people avoid things like this? It's simple. Be open and honest about everything, and talk about how you feel, regardless of how much of a pussy it makes you feel. Guys - don't be over emotional and overly sensitive, because after short while, it gets annoying. Girls - don't be so quick to judge and try to understand what he's saying, as well as you guys try to understand what she's saying. If you don't understand, ask questions, it's the only way a couple will truly learn to learn their partners.

Now boys and girls, before you want to get your dick wet or pussies filled with some man lovin', think of who might be affected by it. If you're so truly and deeply in love with a person for talking to them after 20 minutes a day for 2 days, you need to see a fucking shrink. Oh, and most importantly, if you try taking my other half away from me, I will find you and shit on your face while you sleep and give you pink eye. Oh, and I do have some nasty ass poop.

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